Good morning everyone. Knowledge is really only intellectual until is is coupled with experience. I've been reading and studyig the Big Book, working the Steps and maintaining physical abstinence for a couple of years. For all of that time, I've heard people saying that the mental obsession is the greater aspect of this disease. Physical abstinence is essential, but not the biggest problem.
The biggest problem is my mind which is the mind of a chronic alcoholic (or chronic food addict). It's constantly telling me that I can get by on 2 meetings a week, that it's enough to just be physically abstinent, that I can do this without too much help. That I do this myself and that God doesn't have that much to do with me and my life.

Why do I keep coming back? Because all of that stuff my mind tells me is false - dangerously, fatally false. I have a spiritual malady which the food plan will not resolve. And I guess I needed to have the experience of trying to do it on my own and failing, miserably, to see that I'm not running the show here. God does all of this for me, even when I'm not happy about doing my part.

I have to keep coming back to be reminded of how much trouble I am really in. I am very grateful today to have another chance at spiritual recovery. Grateful that I didn't lose my physical abstinence in the meantime. Grateful that God is more tolerant and compassionate than I am. Grateful that I am gaining the ability to receive grace and the humility to be able to admit that I need it. Hopefully one day I'll be happy about it!

The 12 and 12 says (p.36 - Step 3) we are delighted with dependence on electricity; our main hope is that nothing will ever cut off the supply of the current.

It's been the great obsession of this food addict that I could be physically abstinent and happy without dependence on God. It's just not so. Without the Steps, the food plan is just a diet and I won't be able to maintain abstinence. It's funny, too, because weight hasn't really been a huge problem for most of my life, but spiritual sickness sure has been.

Convinced of the futility of life as I have been living it, there is nothing left for me but ot pick up the kit of spiritual tools laid at my feet! I'm grateful to everyone who helps me in this process and shares all aspects of recovery with me.

I can't do it without God and I can't do it without all of you.

Love,
Kasey

Your email came at a relevant moment in my spiritual life, thank you.
Dianne

thanks for sharing kasey. i always get a lot out of what you say and am usually going through someting similar. i feel the same and need to reach down soon and pick up the tools. i don't feel in danger of picking up at the moment but moments change in a heartbeat. don't they? and i want to be on sure footing with God in my corner. i have a sponsor but it's not really working for me and i just haven't done anything about it yet. i think i might just do it this week. thanks for serving as a nudge in that direction. love you.

tracy