RFA Talk > ...I am now willing that you should have all of me....
Hey guys. I just got home from an Al-Anon one day service workshop. Three points for background information: 1. recently I have realized that much of my time is spent hiding and trying to stay under the radar. 2. I've been struggling not to give up total control of my life. I've wanted to maintain control of either certain areas or what the "surrendered" areas look like. 3. I'm not always eager to give God the creditin my life.
So, this morning I was saying the 7th Step prayer and I heard myself say something that sounded toally different: "...I am now willing that You should have ALL of me...". I've been trying to hold onto parts of myself for a long time and the result, as you might imagine, has not been entirely successful! Much of my life remains under tha management of a well meaning, albeit incompetent young woman.
So I followed that up by spending a day listening to stories from people who said the same thing - they spent a long time hiding out and not being very successful. I think the answer is giving all of my life to God because after today, I'm so aware of how it's not working my way.
And recovery is an effort, a huge effort. Why do all of this work, face all of these truths about myself and ask for healing if I'm not going to get out there in the world and participate in my own life?
I just want to say thank you to all of you for participating in my recovery one day at a time. So many little comments, phrases, slogans, recipes, ideas, new ways of framing things....I just can't do this alone. and without abstinence, I would not be considering how I can surrender more and participate more; I'd only be thinking about how I could get more, eat more, have more. And it would never be enough, no matter how much it was. Now I have a chance to get everything from the inside out.
With much love and gratitude for all of you and our progam, Kasey
Hey guys.
I just got home from an Al-Anon one day service workshop.
Three points for background information:
1. recently I have realized that much of my time is spent hiding and trying to stay under the radar.
2. I've been struggling not to give up total control of my life. I've wanted to maintain control of either certain areas or what the "surrendered" areas look like.
3. I'm not always eager to give God the creditin my life.
So, this morning I was saying the 7th Step prayer and I heard myself say something that sounded toally different: "...I am now willing that You should have ALL of me...". I've been trying to hold onto parts of myself for a long time and the result, as you might imagine, has not been entirely successful! Much of my life remains under tha management of a well meaning, albeit incompetent young woman.
So I followed that up by spending a day listening to stories from people who said the same thing - they spent a long time hiding out and not being very successful. I think the answer is giving all of my life to God because after today, I'm so aware of how it's not working my way.
And recovery is an effort, a huge effort. Why do all of this work, face all of these truths about myself and ask for healing if I'm not going to get out there in the world and participate in my own life?
I just want to say thank you to all of you for participating in my recovery one day at a time. So many little comments, phrases, slogans, recipes, ideas, new ways of framing things....I just can't do this alone. and without abstinence, I would not be considering how I can surrender more and participate more; I'd only be thinking about how I could get more, eat more, have more. And it would never be enough, no matter how much it was. Now I have a chance to get everything from the inside out.
With much love and gratitude for all of you and our progam,
Kasey