Kay Sheppard describes the "Zero-One Syndrome" in her literature. This is the inability to get abstinent and stay abstinent because the addictive substance is used to ease the pain of withdrawl symptoms. Then the addictive cycle begins again, or continues, depending on your preference.

When I don't pick up the food again, I can begin to see all of the other things that I "use" to avoid some pain, discomfort, or fear. In his essay "Emotional Sobriety: the Next Frontier", Bill W wirtes:

"Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for top approval, perfect security, and perfect romance -- urges quite appropriate to age seventeen -- prove to be an impossible way of life when we are at age forty-seven or fifty-seven."

I've just been shown that I have been expecting something of life that it cannot deliver. I've been expecting that the "hole in my soul" would be filled by all of these relationships, compliments and community. I've been wrong. The hole can only be filled by God by nurturing the inner life of the spirit. Doing service is good, but it's not going to fill me the way I've been thinking that it would. Same for having friendships or a talent for some job or activity.

As I look at this, I think it is elementary; nearly anyone with a little bit of abstinence can say this. And that is true. I've been saying it myself for years. The gift I have gotten this morning is the conversion of a purely intellectual idea to a real experience.

I'm grateful for the gift of abstinence from sugar, flour and wheat as well as the other substances that I have used in the past. That physical abstinence makes it possible to see the kinds of things that I could never see when my addiction was running the show. Thanks for all of the support from this community.

Love,
Kasey

Kasey,
What a beautiful post. Thank you for the clear reminder that only God can fill that hole within. No matter how many times I try to fill it other things, it never works. Thank goodness today that hole is often not even evident- what a gift- but when does appear I am thankful to remember where to turn for comfort. The pain of the days when it was ever present is a vivid memory. I am grateful for my addiction for it has brought me gifts and lesson I might have gone a lifetime without.
Kelly